The Wake & Funeral of Your Past-Self

I'll read it to you, click play

Imagine that you’re planning a funeral for your past self. The version of you who existed for years & years & who has, finally, taken her leave. What would you say about her? What would you want people to know about her? What would you thank her for?

Like any good funeral (and being raised Irish Catholic, my people knew how to do funerals!), there is going to be equal parts grief & relief, sadness & celebration, anger & peace.

Saying goodbye to important things is hard, but we can do it in a way that not only honors what’s been, but makes space for what’s to come.

At The Wake…

The whole point of a wake is acknowledgment, comfort, & support. And when you’re at the wake for your past-self, you may not have a line of people waiting to pay their respects. You might not even have your best friend and there’s also a good chance no one even knows it’s happening.

So as you sit there, quiet & contemplative, and remember the life you lived with her - your past self - what can you say? What can you do?

List your lessons
You & her learned a whole lot over the years - write them all down. Doesn’t matter how small & seemingly insignificant the lesson was, write it down, honor it, & know that it was part of a larger curriculum you didn’t even know you were enrolled in.

Remember your successes

The easier part, I think. While your past-self might not have been the version she was meant to be, she did find success, hit milestones, overcome challenges & that’s an important part of her story. Each success showed her a piece of herself she needed to see & take with her into the future.

Take a minute for the hard times

At most wakes, you sort of gloss over the hard times; you downplay them, let them float on by like tiny leaves in a stream. But what if, this time, you looked at them head on & said, “Yea, that was a fuckin’ hard, and we’re still here anyway.” What if you paused, acknowledged, & gave those hard times a nod? They were part of your story, too.

Say thank you for each & every one

And then, after all the reviewing, it’s time for gratitude. I think sometimes we get so laser focused on moving forward, we forget to really say ‘thank you’ to the road that brought us here. Part of that trip was hard, painful, & ugly - others were some of the best times of your life - and all of it got you to where you are today. So all of it deserves some serious gratitude.

At The Funeral…

We’ve done the reviewing, reminiscing, & gratitude, now we lay your past-self to rest & look toward what’s next.

The thing about most funerals is that it feels really final, and yea, most death is pretty final. But this funeral isn’t about closing a door one final time, it’s about actual rest.

RIP to your past self - REST in peace.

And that rest doesn’t have to mean dead and gone; that rest can be her stepping down from her post as your first line of defense. That rest can be her putting down all the baggage she’s been lugging behind you. That rest can be her finally finding a cozy spot to sit down, put her feet up, & know her work is done.

This funeral is a laying to rest of all the roles she’s had, all the stories, beliefs, & narratives that dictated her days, the “shoulds” she clung to. This funeral is the ceremonial burning of what no longer serves you, today.

So let’s light that fire, watch it burn, & release her to rest.

Your Past-Self Fire Cleansing

Now, we’re all adults here but I have to remind you to please be careful with fire & take all proper precautions before doing any kind of burning.

1. Grab a piece of paper, a pen, & a fire-safe bowl, plate, cauldron, etc.

2. On that paper, write any (or all) of the following:

- a love filled eulogy to your past self
- list out everything from the wake - lessons, success, hard times, gratitude
- everything you’d like her to keep with her as she rests; self-stories, beliefs that no longer apply, narratives that no longer serve - whatever you no longer need.

3. Safely light your fire & say a few words of thanks & release
If you’d like to borrow my words, please do: “YOUR NAME, thank you for who you were, the work you did, & where you’ve brought us. Your work is done.”

4. Fold your piece of paper away from you & drop it into the fire.
As it burns, imagine & visualize the smoke carrying away everything that your past-self struggled with, the parts of life that hurt the most, the stories & beliefs that did the most damage. Let the fire cleanse it all & let the smoke clear it away.

The Post-Funeral Luncheon

This part might be a very specific & niche experience, but on the south side of Chicago, funerals are followed by good food, lots of drinks, & even more laughing. (Again, the Irish Catholics do some things really well.)

After your fire cleansing, go celebrate! Take yourself out for coffee, curl up with a good book, plan a date night, plan a girl’s night, take a nap!

The laying to rest of your past self is a big deal & your right-now self deserves to celebrate. You are celebrating how far you’ve come, how ready you are for what’s next, & each lesson you learned along the way.

And what I suspect is that your past self has set you up to do some pretty spectacular things. As you’re releasing her, she is also releasing you into a world that needs you to share what you know, talk about the lessons you’ve learned, & maybe be ready to attend the wake of someone else’s past-self.

RIP to your Past Self. May she find the peace she deserves while you live the life you both created.

Welcome to Your Reclamation Era!

Ready to release & reclaim? Start here:

• Subscribe to the In Her Reclamation Era newsletter & never miss a blog post, resource, event, or good story.

• Follow Katie on the few online places she frequents - Threads, Substack & TikTok

• Check out The Goddess Post, a mail club for women in their reclamation era.